Four letters, three sounds -- not such a big word, but it is strong. Stronger than fuck! I have so much fear in my life. Some things that I fear are silly, but I think that fear has become a habit so that I no longer analyze the worthiness of my worries. A lot of things that I fear are real, but it's my reaction that is exaggerated. I am shut down. I try to numb my worries with TV, with sleep, with overworking, with food, with facebook... I make excuses to support my numbness -- I need a break, I'm relaxing, I have a headache.
But what I really need to do is to TAKE ACTION, as my husband put it last night; and despite my annoyed reply to him, I know that this is true. Take one small step at a time out of and away from this warm, safe, unhappy cocoon. I actually think I need to refine "take action" a bit though. First change: shut up and take action. Second change: shut up and take action by doing x first, then y, then z. Otherwise, "take action" will be overwhelming and lead to failure and a headfirst dive back into the cocoon.
What is X? Clean up my desk. What is Y? Finish one page of my ESL website. What is Z? Go back to Bulldog.
That's the plan. Getting a cocoon chair (pictured) -- the chair that can give you a hug -- is not the plan, but it does look cozy.
1 comment:
Here's to X, Y, and Z! (And a cocoon chair!)
You don't have to look very far to find lots of times in the past when you took action in a big way -- you can do it! : )
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