Be kind to the turtles!

So, awhile back I signed up to do The Biggest Loser race, which happens on Sunday. I was training, really, but then I started to get plantar fasciitis and I got sick and and and. But I'm still doing the race because it's a Biggest Loser race and the pace can be very slow. BUT it's a 15k. I'm kinda nervous. Is it bad to do a race I'm not really prepared for? I like training and then triumphantly doing the race. It kind of ruins that effect to just show up and do the race, probably pretty poorly. Like, fat Bacchus on a turtle poorly. But I still want to do it. I think I would feel worse if I just didn't go at all. Plus I paid for it. But I feel bad doing the race and implying that I trained or that I am somehow doing well with completing the race. It feels like I didn't earn it -- the medal at the end, the t-shirt, the banana. (Okay, maybe I'll earn the banana.) But does this feeling of unearnedness make sense?

I'm sure that I will really push myself to do my best. I will probably even push myself a little bit too hard. But what is that little doubt nugget that keeps poking me to feel like a loser (not in a good way)?

I have been taking my weekly Yoga for Weight Management class with Kim Wade. It is going really well! I'm learning about yoga and what my body can do, but I'm also learning about what I want and being more mindful about what I need. And I'm making new friends to boot! I can feel the change gears starting to slowly move again. I'm still figuring things out, but I'm pretty sure that will go on for a lifetime!

If you have any thoughts on racing without really training or you just want to wish me luck, that would be awesome!

I'm back and happy to report that last week I did indeed do a little bit better! Yay! I started following a fairly gentle walk/run (half marathon) plan designed by Jenny Hadfield and that went fine -- a little sloggy, but that's to be expected. I also was more active in general: I planted my veggies and flowers, mowed the backyard (with our delightful rotary push mower, aka "Pushy") and scraped and painted three sides of the trim on our garage. (Then a storm came up, so I'll have to do the fourth and final side when rain isn't in the forecast. Really. I will.)

I also went to an informational meeting for an upcoming yoga class: Yoga for Weight Management with Kim Wade. If you click on the link, there is a video about the class, just in case you're interested. I think it is going to be exactly what I need in my life right now. I've been wanting to try yoga to build strength and encourage more meditative, mind-body thinking, but this class will also incorporate some strategies for thinking about food and our relationship to it, as well as build a community for support. I can't wait for it to start (July 13th)!

This week I'm going to keep on keepin' on with my walk/run plan and turn also to meditating more often and eating better. I've made some improvements with my eating, but I still keep "treating myself" to stuff that doesn't get along so well with my body. (I'm looking at you, Haagen Dazs Rum Raisin.) I'm still thinking about setting more concrete goals, but right now just trying things out seems to be good. Let's see how meditation and "clean eating" go for this week!

 

Oh friends! It has been so long since I've written in this blog. What did 2012 and half of 2013 bring me? Have you been hanging on the edge of your seat just waiting to hear?

Well, let's just say it was neither the best of times nor the worst of times. It was just some times. Ups and downs and lots of work. Unfortunately, though, I have strayed and have not striven (thank goodness I finally got to use that word! bonus!) to be just a little bit better each week. That was the original purpose of this blog.

Instead, I have been in a sort of survival mode and as a result, a bit of myself has drained away. And I put my fat shield back up. It's not as fatty as it once was, but it is substantial. And yes: badonka donk donk. Last night, in a sorry attempt to show my nephews how to practice for a cartwheel by doing a mini one, my shirt flipped up and revealed my tummy. As I thudded to the floor, the nephews shrieked and laughed and then proceeded to stick their fingers into my fat belleh. (It a fairly pillowy shield, good for poking and providing a cushion for a pug's snoring self.)

Worse than regaining the fat shield and the bejunked trunk, I've lost my muscles and my stamina. I puff up stairs and slog across campus. I am weary and weak. I know that, while I am actually very healthy, I am heading down a path that will lead me into a lumpy, blobby old age of knee replacements and warshing sticks and phrases like "fetch me another piece of that cake" and "does this muumuu make me look fat?" That is not where I want to go, although...cake does sound pretty good right now...but no, this is not what I want.

So it's time for a new journey and new goals. I have my bag packed and I am ready to climb into my big grey flying critter and start this new adventure. (Image by Laura Berger; her stuff is awesome!) I am working on my goals. I definitely need activity, although I am not sure what form this activity will take. I miss Bulldog a lot, but I am not sure I can take it on at this point -- and I always struggle with my schedule and the workout intensity when my teaching starts up again. But the kettlebell and my former muscles are definitely calling me back!

In 2001-2003, I went through a wogging phase and did the Portland Marathon and other fun races and I loved it. I did train on my own for the marathon, but, in general, running also was hard to maintain. I admit to poking around some race sites last night and getting a new pair of shoes, but I'm always tempted to take on too much too fast -- and I am 11 years older now (whut?), so I'm not sure about doing races as a goal. Plus, what happens in the winter?

So, I am still figuring all of this out. What else will go into this plan? Meditation, healthy Whole9 living, and an eye toward small, maintainable improvements for the long term. Every week, just a little bit better. Time to start climbing!