Today's theme: Two out of three ain't bad. If you're old enough, you now have a Meatloaf song stuck in your head. You're welcome. Why is this the theme? Read on.

I was so close to not going to Bulldog this morning that I even almost drove by the Pound instead of parking! It all started when I woke up...almost every hour on the hour last night. I finally fell asleep just before the alarm went off. The dogs wouldn't allow for any snooze time though. But even as I was up, I was planning: If I don't go today, I can go tomorrow and then try to go Friday, even though it will be really hard for Friday. Or maybe I could go tonight and then Friday. Or maybe just tomorrow and then hang it up for this week. I could go back to bed for an hour and then get up and work out at home....So many options that would have led to a missed Bulldog today and probably only two sessions this week. But then I saw "kettlebell" online in the workout for today and I was lured in once again.

But as I drove to Bulldog, I felt twinges of pain. I don't know what blog etiquette requires with respect to t.m.i. -- but I'm a pretty straight forward gal when it comes to talking about one's body. I have a cyst that is not small and it's pushing on some of my internal stuffing. It can turn and twist and cause a lot of discomfort. So the twinge before a workout didn't seem like a good sign. I tried to focus on singing Aha's "Take on Me" (laugh if you will, but that guy was hot in his 80's jeans!) and ignoring the pain. But I did think as I drove up to the building, "Hmmmm, no one knows I made it this far..." kettlebell...kettlebellllllllllll....whispered the wind. Or maybe it was Juanita. Anyway, I parked and went in.

I warmed up but took it easy. Then the lifting session: front squats (my worst lift, I think) I have no max for this yet, so Gio recommended 5 x 55lbs, 5 x 65lbs, and 5 x 75lbs. It was not easy, but I did them. Thanks to my fine partners Mary and Laura! But the pain got a little worse. I acknowledged it, but moved on to the workout:

3 rounds of
30 kettlebell swings (American-style [overhead] not as fun as Love American Style, but pretty close)
30 kettlebell sumo deadlift high pulls
15 lunges with kettlebell (15 each leg)
15 sit ups with your friend the kettlebell

I tried to sneak by with a 20lb kettlebell, but Gio wasn't having it. 26 lbs.

The first round was already pretty killer. If my form were better on the swings and sdhps, it would probably not be as tiring. But it was what it was, and I made it through the round.

Halfway into the second round I started to feel a telltale warning cramp. When this happened before, a few months ago, I thought I could push through it. I did push through it then and wound up in pretty bad shape, missing two days of work and a couple weeks of Bulldog. This time I completed the second round, and I knew that I probably could have completed the third round. Not quickly, not easily, but I could get through. But it would have possibly cost me an injury and missed Bulldog days.

So I completed the second round (in 23:50) and told Gio that I was calling it quits. It was actually very difficult to make myself stop. To not finish the workout. I felt like I let myself down and everyone else who was cheering me on. Funny, isn't it? I can go from having to be lured to the gym by a kettlebell workout, to having a hard time deciding to end a workout when I know it could lead to injury. My mind is a very tricky structure. But Gio understood my disappointment and pointed out what an accomplishment completing even two rounds is for me. He is right. Two out of three ain't bad! (You knew I had to get back there, right?)

By the time I got home, I was in some pretty bad pain, but happily some ibuprofen, coffee, and a good breakfast fixed me up. I have a surgery in my not-so-distant future, but I am so looking forward to not having this thing to worry about anymore.

It is not easy to learn the difference between pain that you can push through and pain that you should stop for. I am still working on this. I think it takes experience, intuition, and maybe even making a bad choice here and there and experiencing an injury.

I'll be back at Bulldog tomorrow a.m. or Friday at the latest. (Note: I could have taken the "Twisted Cyster" route for this blog, but chose Meatloaf as the more palatable choice. Get it?)

One more Meatloaf graphic that totally cracked me up:

Well, it's Monday. It was a hard Monday and not as many of us made it to Bulldog this morning. I got up at 4:30 a.m. and took my dogs out in the backyard. They both immediately turned back to me. It was dark. It was cold. It was pouring rain. Oh hell no, we all thought. I looked online at the workout for today...box jumps (ugh), wall-ball burpees (wtf are those?), pull ups...sigh. By now 10 minutes had passed and the dogs were curled up together and snoring softly at my feet. And I thought. I thought about my commitment to myself to do this, to get stronger, to get better. I thought about the warm bed and how good it would feel to climb back under those covers for a couple more hours. Then I thought about how disappointed I feel when I miss a workout that I know I could have gone to. This morning I didn't have a migraine. I wasn't sore. Really, I wasn't even tired. "Oh hell, yes I'm going," I told those lucky dogs.

So I went. And on the way there, the rain turned to snow and ice. Nope, nature couldn't help me out. Luckily the Stones came on the radio, so some loud shadoobies helped me on my way. (Shattered)

It was definitely hard. I felt very slow and heavy today. After slogging through 3/4 of the warm-up, I started the strength portion. We did deadlifts starting with 90% of our max (190 for me) we did 5 x 65%, 5x 75%, and 5 X 85%; so for me this was 115, 130 and 150. 150 was pretty difficult, but I made it through.

Then that workout. I won't lie: when I heard what wall ball burpees are, I gave Gio every sad puppy look I could muster. It's a burpee where you do the push up part on the wall ball, then as you jump up from the squat position, you launch the wall ball at a spot 8-10 feet up on the wall. My plain old burpees look like a very drunk person who might have dropped a quarter or a contact on the floor and is then trying to stagger back up to standing again after someone dropped an ice cube down the back of their pants. Trying to get a wall-ball toss in there is pretty hopeless.

Note: Gio is completely immune to my pleading looks. Not that he doesn't see them, but I'm not there to have an easy workout and Gio knows it. He is very determined to have me succeed --even more determined than I am a lot of the time. He proves to me what I can do. Does that make sense? I think so.

So I did the whole workout, with a few slight adjustments:

3 rounds of 20 box jumps (box step ups for me); 15 wall-ball burpees (10 lb ball); and 10 pull ups (ring rows for me). I completed this in 22:57. I came very close to making it on the Uncle Pukie board, but I managed to contain my stomach contents like a proper lady.

By the time I left Bulldog, it had stopped snowing and raining. Still a pretty cold and sleepy day -- and I've been pretty fatigued throughout the day; but I also know that my meals after breakfast have not been the best. I definitely need to work on that!

I'll try to head back to Bulldog tomorrow morning or Wednesday at the latest. Thanks much to Gio and Greg and Michelle and to Doug, Austin, and Travis for encouraging me today!!

Finally made it back to Bulldog this morning after a good night's sleep. Hurray! When I saw today's workout online before I left, I thought "oh, power cleans! no problem!" and then "oof, how much running?!" But at least all I have to do for that is slog on and breathe. It's no crab walk! :)

I did the regular warm-up plus some additional stretches that Gio gave me that really helped my morning stiffness. Then on to the workout:

10 x power cleans
600m run (400 for me)
8 x power cleans
600m run (400)
6 x power cleans
600m run (400)
4 x power cleans
600m run (400)
2 x power cleans
600m run (400)

I just about skipped over to the rack of weight bars and selected my 35 lb bar and picked my spot to stand. Gio explained that we were supposed to do 75 lbs or 25% of our body weight, whichever was more. "But that's not for me," I was thinking. Until Gio spotted my unbeweighted bar, that is. He had me go up to 55lbs. I thought (and said out loud), No Way!! But Gio is wise. He had me try a few deadlifts (no worries there!) and pulls (went okay) and then power cleans (hey, wait! I can do it!) to try out the weight.

As the workout went on, Gio gave me instructions on form. I've always struggled with the concept of open hips. What could that possibly mean? My hips are quite large and very solid structures. They do not seem to open and close. I've heard over and over that the key to good powerful lifts (and healthy posture in every day life) is open hips. But how to open them?

In the second round of powercleans, I finally got it. It's hard to explain in writing, but somehow in my jump to get the bar up, I started to feel an ease and, yes, power, that I hadn't felt before. I finally finally finally had it: open hips. Then I knew that I could actually have done more weight with this new found form. Hurray!

The running was a struggle, but I was determined not to walk. (Not that what I was doing was any sort of full-on run!)

So, I finished the workout in 25:56. Every step of the way, I was cheered on by my Poundmates and coach Gio. I have so much gratitude in my heart for these folks for inspiring and motivating me and yes, pushing me hard despite my whining and evil-eye glaring! Thanks, everyone!!!

And cheers to my hips! I found the poem "Homage to my Hips" online. It's from The Body Electric by Patrice Vecchione and written by Lucille Clifton.

As you might have seen earlier -- I made it to Bulldog this morning and set my personal record for a deadlift at 190 lbs (not 195 as earlier reported by a post-workout, very groggy me). It probably wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for my bad math skills. I used to be really good at algebra, but simple addition? no way.

When I first got to Bulldog, I was majorly yucky. I take neurontin for my migraines and took my dose late last night. So I was dizzy and groggy, and well, crampy for other reasons. I slogged through the warm-up and started with 85 lbs for the deadlift. Last week I deadlifted 110 pounds and it was not a nice sight to behold. Today I was excited to finally figure out what my max is. I was guessing about 120. The first try with 85 was not hard at all. So I added 20 lbs and kept increasing by 20, I thought. But at some point my math went awry. I thought I had lifted 155 and was mighty proud when coach Gio checked my math -- it was 185. HHHHHHWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT? Crazy! So I added 5 and managed, with much effort, to stand up with it. Oh yes I did.

Incidentally, please note that the above pictured rodent is not deadlifting like I did today -- seems to be doing some sort of high pull but its form is all wrong -- but it is super cute anyway.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, there was still a workout to be had. I was feeling pretty tired out at that point, but so?

Today's workout (which I did see online before I went and then tried to immediately block it out until I got to Bulldog):

25 push press (overhead) me = 35 lb bar

30m crab walk
(I could not do all of this; I am a very heavy crab with, at that point, very tired arms -- not that everyone wasn't very tired at that point though. I think I did about half the distance.)

30m bear walk (me = about half)

25 push jerks (35 lb bar) I wish this really was just pushing jerks with a 35 lb bar, I'd be great! Thanks so much to coach Greg for standing with me and getting me through these (and helping me get and keep my form).

60m becks burpees (Note: these burpees do not involve drinking beer as Mary suggested; it's a burpee with a giant jump forward at the end. I'm guessing I did 15m if that, but I made it through)

60m lateral hops (hop sideways -- kind of fun, yet, at this point in the workout when I was so exhausted, this really felt ironic and ridiculous -- hopping should be a happy, energetic move, like when you say Yippee! Not sure how far I went, but maybe 15m again? or less.)

last, 25 Over Head Squats (with 35 lb bar) This was the most agonizing. My arms were burning and shaking so hard with holding up the bar. I did 5 at a time with coach Gio getting me through each lift. After these OHSs, I can never roll my eyes at guys who make grunty sounds when they lift. I made really weird sounds involuntarily. They just came out -- high pitched, gasping, grunty, dig-deep-and-finish-this sounds.

And I did finish it. In 27:32. And I was dead, but happy and proud.

In fact, I've been pretty tired all day despite some high protein meals. I still can't believe what I did this morning -- but I can definitely feel it! I'm proud of the progress that I'm making and I'm looking forward to the time when I can crabwalk more easily and get all the way through the 30m!

With the muscle fatigue I'm feeling, I might take tomorrow as a recovery day and go Wednesday a.m. instead -- but I'll see how I feel in the morning.

For those of you who didn't do the WOD (workout of the day), do a few steps as a crab and see how it feels!

I was feeling a little restless after being cooped up with our taxes this afternoon, so I figured I'd enjoy our lovely Chicago weather and get outside. I decided to go back to one of the problem areas this past week at Bulldog -- jumping rope! We actually have a good jump rope with proper handles so I went out into the backyard and started up. I described my "technique" in an earlier post -- basically I was still stuck with the skills of a chubby third-grader: the one heavy, two-footed jump or the tra-la-la-la I'm skipping rope one foot at a time. Not the graceful boxer-in-training swoop-swooping the air and lightly tapping the toes on the ground. But as I kept jumping and trying to focus on what my body was doing and how the motion of the rope should come from my wrists and not my arms -- I started to get it! I got up to 15 jumps at a time (before I could do 3 or 4). I am so happy that I figured this out at last!

So I did 500 jumps total, then 50 sit-ups, then 5 pups, then 20 squats, then did a little bit with carrying around my kettlebell (my own kettlebell!! thanks, hubby!!) overhead and then like a suitcase; I finished with some stretching. Nice! My legs are still pretty wobbly from the jumping -- that means I have to keep on practicing!

Back to The Pound on Monday! Woof!

This picture could be part of an actual crossfit workout! I would totally burn my butt. And speaking of burning butts, I did make it to Bulldog today. First I did have to light a fire under my own butt to get going. I actually had some sort of weird inception moment this morning where I dreamed that I woke up, was super tired and headache-y and posted on this very blog that I did not go to Bulldog today. Whoa. Then the alarm went off and I woke up and was super tired, but not headache-y. I still thought, hmmm, maybe two times is best for this first week back. Then I looked at the Bulldog workout for today.

Today this was my main motivator instead of a fear-inducer. The name of today's workout is "Wet." Hmmm...what's up with that? Then I saw "kettlebell" I was all in. Somehow I must have looked past the word "burpee." But with the image of kettlebells dancing in my head, I was out the door and off to Bulldog. Plus Juanita, one of my Poundmates, loves kettlebells too, so I knew she would be even more psyched than usual for today. When Juanita is psyched, we are all psyched. (Note: Juanita is almost always psyched.)

I did the usual warm-up, but because I was early this morning, I got through almost all of it. Until the last thing: back extensions. I thought these were our fun "I'm flying! on the floor!" exercises but no. It's on a contraption thinger like this.

I was also supposed to be doing my sit-ups on it. But I thought I was too out of shape and overweight to use this thing. One future day, when I am svelte and bendy, I would graduate to this machine.

Wrong. "Get up there woman," says Gio the coach. I was terrified. I had visions of going backwards and feeling my entire muscle system in my abdomen and back tear with cartoon plucking sounds (ploink, ploink, ploink!). Gio patiently tried to get me to lean back, but I was just too scared. I said I wouldn't do it.

This is frustrating! It's a lack of trust in myself and a lack of self knowledge about what my body can do. I will have to confront this contraption again.

But on to the "Wet" workout: 4 repetitions of 10 kettlebell cleans, 10 kettlebell push presses, 10 kettlebell sumo deadlift high pulls, run 200 meters, then 10 burpees. I mostly used a 24 lb kettlebell but switched to 20 lbs for the push presses near the end. When I started this -- somewhere around the start of the burpees in round one -- I thought I would do 2 rounds and then stop. But somehow I found myself in the third round. So then I thought, at the end of this round, I'm done, because I am dragging my ass and not just feeling the burn, but possibly spontaneously combusting, and I have to babysit my nephews today, and and and... At the end of round three I looked pleadingly at Gio and held up three fingers. He said,"Let's go, Tami." Oof. Ironically, this is one of the many reasons why I choose Bulldog. Because Gio knew that I had another round in me and I'd already quit once today with the contraption. So I did all four rounds. Everyone was so awesome with encouraging me and cheering me on -- another reason why I choose this place: It is not just a gym! It's friends and fellow tortured beings who want to see you finish too.

I think my time was 34 minutes and something seconds. I forgot to write it down. I definitely understand the workout's name now because wow was I sweaty.

So triumphantly (except for the tussle with myself and the contraption), I put in three workouts at Bulldog this week. Yay! On to week two on Monday.

Thanks again to everyone for their support and encouragement!!

What's up with the fat-girl image? (Caption: Because someone has to take the fat girl home.) Well, usually I try to find funny or cute pictures to go along with my blog post. So I was searching around for images of "teamwork" "cooperation" and "team image funny" to go along with my team relay workout today at Bulldog. There were lots of adorable and funny images, but then I saw this. My first reaction was, Hey! Jerk! But then I realized that it's perfect.

Thanks to my husband's snoring and our attentive dog Mo who, with several nudges of his cold nose and in-your-face worried panting seems to say, "Hey, that guy's growling with his nose or something. Hey, you better check on him. Hey, that doesn't sound good. Uh, hey, sorry to bug you but he's still making that sound, soooo..." so I was up before the alarm at 4:15. I was pretty sore and still fatigued a bit from yesterday. I did have the thought -- say, I could just go back to sleep on the couch and go to Bulldog tomorrow! But I finally know myself well enough to figure out that that is the wrong choice.

So I checked the Bulldog website for today's workout. This can go either way. I can look and prepare myself mentally for what I'll have to do. Or I can look, feel fear and resistance, and snuggle on down with the couch instead. This morning I looked and first saw that the workout is called Warrior. Cool! I can be a warrior. Bring it! Next I saw the words "teams of 2." Oh no. Teamwork.

Flashback: Chubby little Tami in P.E. (basically any P.E. class except archery and square dancing) -- anytime there were teams, I would feel sick. (In fact, I learned to use that to my advantage to get out P.E. as often as I could.) I was always one of the last ones picked. I understand why: in general, you want your team to win. I was chubby and uncoordinated. I ducked when any sort of ball came at me. If there was running, I was the last one in, wheezing and pink, kicking my ankles until they bled. Why would someone want me on their team? I understood -- and because I understood, it made it even worse when I was on a team that lost. It was my fault. I slowed them down or hit the deck when I was supposed to catch or throw or vault it into the air. I sucked!

Yet someone always had to pick me. Someone always had to "take the fat girl home."

Back to today: At Bulldog we are grownups. But there are some very competitive grownups at The Pound. I definitely do not want to negatively impact their performances! Maybe I should stay home. But I told Gio and Greg and Juanita and my blog that I would go today. I wanted to go today. So I went. I went with the thought that maybe I could plead my way out of being on a team. (Why would I think this would work? I can't plead my way out of anything at Bulldog! Which is good!)

When I got there, the 5:00 am class was finishing up. There were three women in the class and they did the workout separately. There's hope! I thought.

Same warm-up as yesterday though I did get to some pull-ups.

Warrior workout: 10 repetitions for time: 1 power clean, 3 hang squat cleans, 2 push jerk/split jerks, 30 meter run

There were a lot of us in class this a.m. and it was time to "team up" -- but before I could start to plead, I was teamed up with Jay and Amanda. Both have recently started the regular classes. Jay told us that he's 63! and he has knee replacements. And he was so apologetic before we even started and said he didn't want to slow down our time. This was a strange reversal for me. I had the most experience out of the three of us and I felt confident that I could do the moves (with a 35 lb bar) and even run 30 meters pretty well. But I didn't have any worries about any of us slowing each other down. That's not what it's about. It's about our team finishing as best as they can. Make sure you do your best, but also support your teammates and get your team through it.

Chk chk! A light bulb came on in my head. If I think this way, why wouldn't my other teammates at Bulldog? I looked around and realized that I could have been on almost anyone's team at The Pound and they would have cheered me on. (Truth be told, as I mentioned above, there are some competitive folks who might have been dismayed if I had been their teammate, but I honestly think that after a quick mention of what teamwork really means, they would be cool with it.) In fact, being in Bulldog is like being on a team. At every workout we cheer each other on, keep each other going until everyone finishes. So hold on, hold on, yes, yes... now I get it! I have been on a team this whole time AND I PICKED IT MYSELF! Whoa. Major epiphany. Choruses of angels should start singing right about here.

Because my teammates are beginners and I am just starting back, we did 5 rounds each instead of 10, as a relay of sorts with two of us going at once and then 1. Our time was 14:39 and we had a lot of fun to boot. I will be back at The Pound on Thursday.

One more quick note about P.E. though. How sad is it that not one P.E. teacher was encouraging to me? (I think Mr. Simper [yes, really his name] was kind and took pity on me by letting me out of some of the more heinous events in his classes.) But even more sad is the fact that this picking of teams business and P.E. humiliation has scarred a lot of kids and probably affected their opinion of and likeliness to exercise. Kids can be cruel, I know, but kids can also be taught better about what it means to work on a team and what it means to "win".

Sometimes it just so happens that when you take the fat girl home, she is an awesome "score." (wink)

Hey, hey! Give me five -- I did it! I went to Bulldog this morning. When the alarm went off at 4:30, I did have one tiny "oh hell no" moment, but it passed quickly. I always love to be up when the first couple of birds start warming up with their sleepy chirps. And thanks to some James Brown on the radio, I was pretty peppy when I got to The Pound. Here's what I did today:

Warm-up: run 400 meters (my feet said yay! my lungs said wtf?!), then two amazingly uncomfortable stretches (how can stretching make you feel like you might barf? these are extreme stretches!), 10 squats (butt must touch medicine ball), 10 leg swings, 10 push ups, 10 sit ups -- I didn't make it to the pull ups or back extensions because the weight-lifting session started.

Today: deadlifts: 10 at 50% of your max, 8 at 60%, and 6 at 70%. I don't have a max, so I tried to start at half my body weight, but no sir, that was not happnin. I ended up at 105 lbs for 10 very breathy, grunty, not all-in-a-row reps, followed by 8 incredibly slow attempts at lifting 110 lbs. It was not pretty. For some reason I cannot get the breathing pattern right. You'd think the lifting part would be the worst, but no, it's learning to breathe at the right places to help your lift (and not pass out).

Then the workout: 4 rounds (for time) of 200 single rope jumps, 30 hip thrusters, and 15 jumping pull ups. It quickly became apparent that 4 rounds was just not possible on this first day back. I am the worst jump-roper ever. I jump like a chubby schoolgirl -- which is right about the last time I ever jumped rope. I do not jump like a smooth, swift boxer in training. No. 200 times is excrutiating for everyone involved (spectators and coaches included). By the time I got to the hip thrusters, my tongue was dragging on the floor. I did something that somehow counted as 30. Then the jumping pull ups, which are okay except when every muscle is crying out, stop! stop! But I did them. I did only 1 round and it took me 14:16. Watching everyone else finish their rounds was good motivation. The fact that I was still panting and pink-faced even after they were finished also was a clear indication that I need to work -- consistently and hard.

I have to say that my muscles have been fatigued all day, but my inner energy feels like I drank a pot of espresso. I have been super productive and energetic all day! I do have the beginnings of migraine chewing on my right eyebrow, but I probably would have had that or worse without Bulldog this morning. I am psyched to go back tomorrow morning. Yay!

How is that I've been away from Bulldog since February 17th? Well, there are a lot of reasons and then some hemming and hawing. I've been feeling my frustration with myself build over the last week. Once or twice I was even awake at Bulldog time, but chose not to go. I'm very disappointed with myself, but in a gentle way -- I understand what I'm going through -- but I also know that it's time to get back to what I know makes me feel better.

Knowing this hasn't stopped my brain from churning through excuse after excuse. Monday is such a busy day! You'll get a migraine! You're going to be wiped out all day! You might even hurt yourself! Wait, wait -- you'll fail, you don't belong, you're just going to quit again and everyone knows it!! You don't even have a pre-workout banana.

Oof! Where does all this stuff come from? I know that I need to let these thoughts pass overhead without engaging them. I need to keep to my plan.

I've been very inspired by this website today.

So I'm off to pick up some bananas and take care of my class plans for tomorrow tonight so I won't have to worry about that. I will probably get a migraine whether I workout or not -- at least it will have come from doing something good -- and same thing goes for being wiped out, etc. And I can only fail by not going. Yep, time to just fucking do it.