Old WW post: Nothing tastes as good as what feels?

Sunday, January 03, 2010
This past week has been a battle with stress eating. Closing on our house, family tension, trying to start a tutoring business, the end of my winter "break" and knowing that I'll go into this next quarter of teaching feeling pretty depleted...wouldn't a lot of pizza make me feel better? How about several brownies and some chocolate chip cookies left behind by friends? I'm even good with hogging down a package of cheese slices...

Honestly, these things *do* make me feel better--just not for an extended period of time (unless I just keep eating). That WW saying, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" just doesn't work for me. The peanut butter cheesecake with chocolate sauce that I had a few weeks ago really was one of the most amazing things I have ever tasted...and in that moment, thin was nowhere close to that experience. I did not want to be thin, I wanted to jump naked into a vat of peanut butter cheesecake, eat my way to the bottom, and then swim in a lake of chocolate sauce with my mouth open. But I'm getting off my topic and I'm closing to drooling into my keyboard.

What I struggle with is the moment of taste and the moment of enormous quantities of soothing carbs running through my body, mellowing out my jangly nerves and racing thoughts; the after-effect of sleepy overload that seems almost like relaxation if I squint my eyes and lounge in my food coma on the couch. In those moments of extreme eating, I have treated myself, rewarded myself, calmed myself -- it's like a spa retreat for my mouth and tummy or a meditation with food as my focus where my mind is pulled away from worries and my body stops processing stress and starts working on carbs and fat.

What can come close to this? Well, nothing, really. Definitely not "thin". But in trying to deal with this stress, I have figured out a substitute that is almost the complete opposite of eating like a piggy. It's working out on my elliptical machine while loudly singing Mary J. Blige lyrics. No, really! Just hear me out.

At first I might drag my feet to the machine, which lives in a drab, cold corner of the basement. But I warm up with India Arie ("I'm not your average girl from a video, and I ain't built like a supermodel, but I've learned to love myself unconditionally, because I am a queen...") and after that I'm more into it. When I sing (okay, yell with lots of gasping for air), "Got my head on straight, I've got my vibe right, ain't gonna let you kill it" with Mary J. Blige in "Just Fine",
I really mean it and I'm saying it to the "thoughtful" folks who left those brownies in my house. When Mary J. and I get to "Work That", I crank up the resistance on my machine, slow down the pace, and belt it out: "I'm talkin bout things that I know / It's okay, show yourself some love / Don't worry bout who's sayin what/ Work what you've got". These are such reassuring, soul-strengthening, self-love-inducing words! When I say them with Mary J., I feel so much better about myself and about where I am in my life.

And I've found the most surprising thing of all (to me anyway): the activity combined with repeating empowering lyrics actually makes me feel strong and happy for an extended period of time. And, dare I say, I feel better than I did after the cheesecake incident? Yes, I do! In taking 15 minutes or so with Mary J. Blige and the elliptical machine, I've taken time for myself--time where my head was in the lyrics and not with my stressful thoughts or doing mental battle with eating vs. not eating a side of bacon; the activity invigorates me and relaxes me at the same time. I love myself for who I am in that moment and feel motivated to become my best self. These are not feelings that I have when I am choking down a cheese dog with cheese fries (plus a diet pop, of course) at Pete's stand. It seems like this activity might make me feel better (and for longer) than a carb+fat overload. Whoa! Not only that, but when I earn APs, I feel motivated to stay OP and either not use them or use them for things like tangerines or squash.

I don't want this to sound like a miracle cure -- it is a decision to get on that machine, and whenever there is a decision, there is a moment to choose yes or no. So many factors go into that choice, but this discovery, for me, will be important to keep in mind: the tangible feeling of joy, strength, health, and power when I am working out with music. "Nothing tastes as good as working out with empowering lyrics feels" is a better motto for me. What works for you? Do you have a motto?

H